how not to take a shower

so as of tomorrow i will no longer have internet at my apartment. my internet service provider is cutting off my service which means... my neighbor, who i have been pirating the internet from, is moving and has to turn in his stuff tomorrow so.... i will be without. however, now that i have lived with it, as soon as jay and i get into the house we are going to get it because let's be serious- it sucks not to have it.
so this is my farewell post. see usually i just take half year to year long breaks from writing my blog and dont ever notify the reader- i'm changing, growing up, not looking back, turning a new leaf.... and telling you... i will be back.
i wanted to write tonight about a lot of funny things... about this weird internet site i heard about that has instructions on how to do everything, like how to take a shower, how to dry off, and all that stuff but i want a web site on how not to do stuff.
How Not to Take a Shower
by Corey Davis
When you get out of the shower be mindful not to slip on a wet tile. This is especially important if you happen to have empty beer bottles in the vicinity, because you might slip and fall while you are naked and well you never know where that beer bottle might end up.
**not based on a personal experience (seriously, i heard it from someone else)

see how good i am at that. i could have tons of them and just make it based on stories of others lives. it is like my advice column at Coe- only no writing in of questions just take the funny and make them "how not to's"

any way i need to go to bed.... because i will have worked 82 hours in week by the time i get off work tomorrow. and well, i am tired. so my bed and crosswords call to me- there is a good one right there... how not to be lame: dont act like corey or marshall for that matter cause he is just lame all the time.

be back as soon as i can!!!

you smell like dirt

at least this one guy at the gas station did... i mean seriously like dirt that you would wipe off the piles of old newspapers that have collected in the hallway of the cat lady's house. so maybe is was more the smell of dirt and cat piss but either way i didn't want to smell it. and well this guy had this idea that i needed someone to just hang out with me for the last 15 min of work. well let me tell you that is the worst time for someone to come hang out because that is when i start my push to get out of there. and well he didn't seem to get that, but i guess i can't expect someone to understand something like that when he can't even get that he smells bad. i also had some guy who proposed to me (no, not jay) come in and ask me when i am going to leave my husband for him... then a lady that works at the bar up the street came in to talk about the can man and his pooping escapades and what not and i am thinking.... "WHERE THE HECK AM I??"
and then i realized. a gas station. and it is just the weirdest place to be.

also i dont know if this will post for the 20th or not but that is when i am writing it.... in the last few mins. of the 20th and today is my -1 year anniversary. cool uh? weird more like it because although i already feel married... my name will no longer be cdave, it will be cpos and that sound more like an infection than a name. also i will be able to say things like "my husband mowed the yard today" instead of shouting "schlarbaum 6 has a crush on you" to that one TKE out our window all of senior year. and it is weird what (by that time will be) three years will bring you. and some people aren't there in three years and some people are and i dont know it all seems so weird and exciting but mainly weird.

and i think i've done enough thinking for night. so i am done.

extra extra

there is not going to be anything extra. but wouldn't that be great. oh before i forget, i didn't win the powerball.
i dont really want to write in this but i feel like i have to because i am going to be losing my internet soon. yes. i will be back to stupid old nothing. i was going to say dial up but forgot i wont even have that. i do plan on getting it at my new house though and well i could get it as soon as november 15th but i think after this next week (maybe sooner) i am going to be losing my internet cause dustin is moving and i have been illegal importing internet rays from his apartment.... okay i am not sure if it is illegal and i am fairly sure they are not refered to as internet "rays" but i just got so caught up in the moment.
but seriously dustin is moving and that is weird. and not so much that he is just moving but that he is leaving our branch.... it is weird cause it is OUR branch and then he is going to have this whole new branch and i am going to be there with out my partner in crime... like when we break policy or when we just break things. it is going to be weird and hard and even moreso... empty at the office. the only thing that would fill that void would be a little dwight from the real office and then i wouldn't miss dustin at all... okay that is a lie!
okay i am done writing. i promise i will have more intelligent things to say next time i am back.

how to say the hardest thing

so i have never been good at being a friend... we all know this. i have never wanted to be mean or be the bad person but i have always had a hard time saying the things i know that need to be said.... i love my vague blogs... i know there is something that i need to tell someone, something i haven't wanted to say, have hinted at, have gone over it a million times in my head, but still can't just say it... for me it is easier to fall back on being a bad friend... i would rather have someone be hurt by me that way than what i need to say... and i dont know why that is because the real thing that i am avoiding is less mean, less painful, less important when you come down to it and well that for some reason it harder for me to say that just walking away and not dealing... and well that is what i do really well... just not dealing with it. just not standing up and ever giving any excuse or real reason for what i did because i guess if you keep guessing that it is easier than you knowing i messed something up or i did that or this or not that or whatever. is that so hard to understand. i wish i could go back and make one decision the other way but i can't and i can't go back in time and make different decisions or just savor what i had... because things don't work that way and well... it sucks. it sucks that time keeps going no matter what you should have done could have done would have done... who i would have told what is not important it is only important that i deal now... why do i have to always let it come down to the wire... and why to i let it just bottle in me... like i am going to be satisfied not talking about it cause let's face it i am not ever just satisfied. why did i lie because i was easier than hurting someone so much... and well i dont know which has turned out worse. and now i just have to deal.... as much as i want to hide behind all the things i have on my plate... as much as i want to just fix and forget i can't... because there is no fix and the forget will only work for so long.
and i just don't know how to say that hardest thing.

japan, houses, and other ordinary things

SO THIS IS WHAT'S UP.

marshall is in japan. okay. it is weird 'cause even when he lived in chicago or heck even at coe i didn't see him that much but i didn't miss him, but now that he is japan for like 2 min. i miss him. there i said it. i hate myself for it but really i h8 him more. anyway. i hope that he has fun and will figure it out from here- i just hate this not having any friends near here anymore.

i am buying a house... or at least trying and well it is just such a huge thing that i keep feeling overwhelmed but the task at hand- marshall asked me if i really wanted to buy a house and settle down. at first i was unsure, i kept thinking... "am i really this ordinary girl?" but i am and i do want this house and i want to be able to afford it. and well ordinary isn't bad because i am ordinary and extrodinary in so many ways. i mean i have brown hair, and average sized feet and drive an Elantra. But i have huge dreams and big ideas and a deep love for helping and working with people- and all that is doable from here... for now. i mean i can have the things i want and have the "ordinary" all in one. i think some of the allure of settling down and having all those things i never had growing up... and although this isn't on the agenda for sometime but if you have ever known me at all... you know that more than anything i think my calling has always been to be a mother. and have an amazing family and have all the things for my kids (like stability) that i never had. the great thing about being ordinary is that i have the potential to be that and so much more- like write an amazing novel or become a dean at a college or do it all and have the ordinary and the extra... and i will love both.

i am going to go be ordinary now and do my crosswords in bed and drink my slushee, and love it!